Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
