He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
