We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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