If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
