First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
