If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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