then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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