My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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