just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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