forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
