your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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