Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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