Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize