Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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