There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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