this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
