I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
