Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
