Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
