My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A+ Viking dick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
