I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
