We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
