She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FUCK WHALES
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
