Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
