Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
