whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
