you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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