Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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