I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
