Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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