dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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