its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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