Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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