it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
