Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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