actually, I'm a sock model
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
