Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize