SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
