When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
