Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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