i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
smell my finger.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
