what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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