if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
