Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
