It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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