You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
