fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
