I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
