his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
