Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
