My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
