I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
