I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
