My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
