So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
