It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
