I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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