please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
