Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
