you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
