I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
