Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
