I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize