need another drink. this is the easiest way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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