did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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