Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
