Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
