I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
