Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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