So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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