the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dignity is for republicans.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
