I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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