you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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