I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize