Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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